What if the Book of Mormon was written by Dr. Seuss

Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born

I've never drunk,

I've never sworn

This is Lehi,

he's my dad

Laman, Lemuel,

they are bad

And who is this?

Why this is Sam

Yes, this is Sam;
Sam: Sam I am
Laman: That Sam I am,

that Sam I am

I do not like that Sam I am
Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt
Laman: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt
Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack
Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back
Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear
Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here
Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away

Now all you want to do is stay?
Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way
Laman: Here we are in this damp cave
Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave
Nephi: I will go and I will do

There's the angel, that's my cue

Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think
Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum
Sam: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram
Lemuel: Oh great, another pathetic life form
Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent

I do not like it in this tent
Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona

I must have drunk too much Corona
Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives
Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives
Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree

The fruit is white, the fruit is free

A floating building, could it be?

Why do they laugh and stare at me?
Laman, Lemuel, come and see
Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit
Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit
Laman: We will not help you build your boat
Lemuel: We do not think that it will float
Laman: No not this boat, it will not float

Not even in a shallow moat

I do not care what Nephi wrote
Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say
Laman: We will not eat it on a tray
Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent

Not even if your clothes you rent
Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam

L & L: We will not eat it, Sam I am
Sam: You do not like it, so you say

Try it, try it, and you may

Try it and you may I say
Laman: Sam, if you will let us be,

We will try it, you will see
L&L: Say, we like this fruit of life

Sorry that we caused such strife

You've saved us from an awful jam

Thank you, thank you, Sam I am