Jackson's Blessing Day

It is not our usual practice to bless our babies when they are only 13 days old. Jackson was our exception. My mother and her husband are retiring and moving to Utah at the end of the month and we wanted them to be able to be there. I have such mixed emotions about this special day. Of course, I'm so happy to have this little guy. I loved hearing the beautiful words spoken by his Daddy, of the things Heavenly Father has in store for him. I know he was sent to us for some special reason--I know they all were. But I also felt an overwhelming saddness that this was our last baby blessing. From a medical standpoint I know how dangerous and irresponsible it would be to have another. I would never want my children to grow up without a mother. But my heart breaks knowing I will never hold another wiggly newborn in my arms and call him mine. Maybe I'm just selfish. I do have eight children. More than my three sisters-in-law who have been trying for years. But the joy I feel knowing I am entrusted with these sweet little spirits makes me feel so amazingly wonderful. I love holding them. I love playing Barbies or reading books with them. I love helping them with thier problems. I love teaching them to bake bread or plant flowers. And they just grow up so fast. I try to console myself by saying it wont be long before grandkids. Or, just focus on the ones you already have, there's plenty of room for improvement. But it doesn't seem to help. For now I'll hold this new little one lots. I'll let my housework go and cuddle my babies, and pray they will stay small for a little bit longer.